The colours of hope

Yesterday’s post certainly got a reaction but that wasn’t why I wrote it. I wrote it because that’s how I felt at the time and it wasn’t good. I thank you very much for sharing with me and, please, continue to do so. Hearing from others in the same rocky boat made me feel as if I could cope. Sort of an, if you can do it, I can do it thing.

Today is a new day. The pain isn’t as bad and

Autumn woods in Niagara

I’ve had a good talk with myself. Sometimes I forget that after other big projects I’ve taken on there is always depression. I have no idea why. You’d think I’d be elated by the fact that the project is finished, and usually I am very relieved because now I have time to paint and do things that I want to do. But I think it’s connected to the fact that I worked to a deadline for so many years at the local paper and then running CMT International. Those two jobs equal 30 years of my working life and both of them saw me always working to get something done by a certain time. At the paper I worked to a daily deadline, at CMT Int. I worked two newsletters ahead and we were always doing a newsletter. Now, when I’m finished a large project and finished it on time I think my mind goes searching for the next deadline, and when there isn’t one, I get depressed. I think I’m going to have to make eliminating my pain my next deadline. It could stretch until the day I die if nothing ever works for me but it’s something I feel I have to do. And, knowing the way I tackle projects, there will be other deadlines as well.

It looks like a painting

I’m going to take baby steps and try to do one thing a day to work to words solving my pain problem. Today I called the pharmacist and asked if I had ever taken Topamax. The answer was no.

Tomorrow, I am going to write to one of the doctors who does research at McMaster and ask if there is anything new along the line of Cymbalta without the side-effects. Depending on what he says, I will go forward but even if he says there isn’t one, I think I will go to my GP and ask him if I can try Topamax. Who knows, he may even have something new along the same lines. And, while I’m there I’ll get a flu shot and ask him if he will refer me to our local neurologist. She was my doctor many years ago but I let her go because I was seeing the fellow at the CMT clinic at McMaster but now I’m thinking it’s better to have a doctor who was close by that I can see more than once every two years.

Having breakfast this morning, my spirits were lifted

Pink and gold for love

simply by looking out the kitchen window. The autumn colours this year are absolutely fabulous. There is a bright yellow Norway maple, a vibrant rosy pink smoke bush and a deep burgundy dogwood just outside the window. Every time I see that beautiful pink smoke bush my heart sings. I can’t get to it because my scooter won’t run on the rocks but I can take pictures of it right through the glass. For me, rosy pink and gold are the colors of love. I’m going to try to duplicate that beautiful colour in a painting and keep it near my desk all winter because I really do believe that colour can change your mood, lighten your heart and give you hope.